Every person is a sea. The channel is used to connect you to another person, to another sea.

You can choose many channels with which to connect seas.

But, know this...

Use breeds use. The more you use one channel of connection the easier it will be to continue to use that channel. The less you use another channel the more difficult it is to use that channel.

Ask yourself, "What channels are well dug and well entrenched in my relationships? In my family? My workforce? My community?"

Channels of love? Channels of resentment? Channels of positivity and praise? Which channels are difficult to use? Is it easy to bestow dignity upon others in my workforce? Do we engender positive feelings towards fellow employees? Employers?

Think about it. Then improve it.

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Why does G-d desire our praise? It seems downright insulting to praise G-d. By praising Him you are insulting him. You are minimizing Her with your praise. "Hey, great toast you make." Ludicrous. We praise G-d for ourselves. By praising him we bring out our appreciation for all that he does for us. G-d asks us to praise him for our sake, not for his. This brings out our soft side. Our side which is vulnerable to the Creator of all kind. We praise him to start our connection with Him. He is connected with us, but are we connected with Him? They tell a story of one of the Chassidic Rebbes who asked his Chassidim, Where is G-d. They naturally responded, everywhere. To which he replied, only where you let him in.

Praising G-d is a way of letting him in. Realizing our punity. Realizing and appreciating just how small we are.

This is the way you let Him.

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A thousand groans comes more naturally to us than doing one action. We prefer to kvetch and complain about things and yet do nothing about it. We prefer to scream and shout about all things gone awry and all things going that way than actually do one small action. Kvetching is more natural. Stop kvetching. Do something unnatural. Do something.

Sent from my iPhone.

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Life lesson: Seek areas where you can give, rather than where you can take. Be a giver.

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So...

There will always be someone that is disgruntled. Not satisfied. So...

Do it anyways. Do something which people are upset about. It sure beats doing nothing.

If you didn't like this post...

so...

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People seek novelty. They get excited about new speakers, new gadgets, and new experiences. They look outside of their own hamster wheel to kindle their emotions and to charge up their lives.

However, often there is something in our backyard which can inspire us. Something in our own mundane and boring lives which really has the ability to light our lives aflame. What's in your backyard? (If you aren't yet looking, it's time to start.)

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We don't like to freeze the difficult and challenging times on picture. We prefer to relegate those to our memories so they get foggier with time. We don't like to remember bad things and why should we? However, what if those difficult times led to the development of a deeper and more alive person? What if those crises result in enhanced and more meaningful lives?

Is the reason why we don't freeze dark moments because we view them solely as dark? What if we viewed them as bringing about a greater light? Would we take pictures of them as well?

Just some food for though after taking some family pictures.

Sent from my iPhone.

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Every person is faced with their own challenges that they have to deal with.

However, to some people it appears that they don't just get pooped on, they happen to own the whole city's sewage. They seem to be at the butt end of all things bad. Their children are terrorists and they get no joy from them. They are rejected by their family. Their health and quality of life is going from bad to worse. Their livelihood is also the doldrums. They can't find a job. Nothing seems to go their way.

So they shift the blame. It's his fault. It's her fault. The famous blame game. G-d dealt me a hard hand.

A remarkable story takes place in last week's Parsha. Yosef's brothers come to Egypt to buy grain. Yosef is the viceroy of Egypt. He deals harshly with them. After realizing their remorse for selling him, he reveals his true identity. He says, "It is not you who sent me here, it wasn't your doing that got me into Egypt. I was sent here in order to provide for the family." Here was a man who was thrown into a pit with snakes and scorpions. By his brothers. Sold as a slave. By his brothers. Arrives in a foreign land, not speaking the language. Is imprisoned after being framed by his masters wife for sleeping with her. Languishes in an Egyptian prison cell for years. All, seemingly, because of his brothers. This is a man who has been dealt the country's sewage. Never mind the cities'. This is a man who could have easily blamed other people for his problems. Especially his brothers.

Yosef chose to appreciate that this was his unique challenge. He looked at his lot as a hurdle to overcome, not a hook with which to blame all of his problems upon. Look at your challenges and realize that they are there in order to propel you higher. Don't skirt them by blaming other people. Take responsibility and you will rise high.

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There are times in life when you are at the top of your game. You are
pumped. You are energized about today. And tomorrow. And the day after
tomorrow. Life is looking absolutely awesome. You are on top of the
hill. King of the jungle.

And than there are times when you are feeling down and out. Life has
punched you in the stomach. As you got up, you got socked in the face.
Life sucks. And it sucks badly.

When down in the valley there is a tendency to say, "Things will turn
around and I will be back on the hill again." "Things can only get
better from here on out."

However, that essentially states that the 'here' and the 'now' are
bad. (I wanted to use a different word but I figured it would be a
little uncouth.) By saying that things will turn around, you are
saying, "And boy do I want them to!"

There is a different way to look at it. A better way.

A valley is only a valley if you look at it straight. However, look
at a valley upside down. What do you see? A hill!

Let me say that again. A valley is only a valley when you look at it
from a certain angle. However, look at your valley from another angle
and all of a sudden it becomes a hill.

It's one thing to create a fantastical and hopeful future where things
will be better. It's a whole different thing, to change perspectives,
and to look at your valleys as hills is. That is powerful.

When you are down and out, and life is really horrible it requires a
real change in outlook to see how what is actually happening is a
hill. The bigger the dip, the bigger the hill.

In life, you can choose to try to create a hopeful future. More
powerful is to create a charming present.

Enjoy the hills. Embrace the valleys.

Sent from my iPhone.

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Now, that would be 'ground' which is always available.  Something which transcribes your thoughts.  You'd never lose any good ones.

The problem: Not all thoughts are good or valuable. You would have to sift through a lot of garbage in order to get to some good ones.

Some ideas are like chaff.  Others are like kernels, ready to be turned into wheat stalks and then kneaded into flour for bread.  To be presented to people at a meal for them to enjoy it's taste.

In theory, the best thing would be to have something which could filter our thoughts and only transcribe the valuable ones. Automagically. However, we don't have that available - just yet.

In the meantime we have to make due with the next best thing.

Good ground has three criteria: A.F.R.
1) Availability. How often do you have it with you? The more often, the better. The more often, the more available it is.
2) Friction level. How many steps does it take to get from having an idea in your head to having it planted in the ground.  The lower the friction, the better. The less steps, the better.
3) Retrieval.  How easy is it to retrieve the location of the idea in order to water it and make it grow? Is it clear where your ideas are located or are they buried amongst a lot of noise? You want your signal level to be higher than your noise level.

The ground for your idea could be a paper, a notebook, or electronic bits on a screen.  Somewhere where you record your ideas so you can water them at a later stage and make sure they grow.

I have used a few types of 'ground' in my life and here are the advantages and disadvantages I have found in each. (A) = Availability. (F) = Friction level. (R) = Retrievability.

1. Scraps of paper - use as a last resort.
A) Pretty available.  You can find scraps of paper pretty much wherever you are.
F) High. Try ice skating on a carpet. You have to find the scraps.  You have to find a pen. By that time your idea has already flown away.
R) Not easily retrieved.  Scraps get lost easily.
2. Pocketmod -
A) Pretty available. You can make a bunch of these and always have one available.  You can make them out of any A4 paper.
F) Low. Ice skating on ice. Provided you keep a pen with you at all times connected to the Pocketmod.  Writing on paper is pretty frictionless.  The steps required are
1. taking the pocketmod out of your pocket. With the pen, of course.
2. Scribbling your thought down.
R) Not great. PocketMods are lacking the 'seriousness' of a regular notebook, so they are more easily lost.  Also, there is no way to file ideas and sort them.  So the signal to noise ratio is not great.  
3. Field Notes notebook.
A) Not as good as a PocketMod.  Here you have to actually keep another item on you.  You also have to have a pocket that the notebook fits into, otherwise you have to carry it along with you - which is annoying.  Who wants another thing to carry.  On top of your keys, phone, and what not.
F) Low. The same as the PocketMod. Whip your notebook out with your pen and you scribble your thought down, and you are done.
4. Voicenotes on phone.
A) Good. Pretty much always available as your phone is something you keep with you all the time.
F) Very low. Ice skating on an awesome ice rink.  You just say your idea, it's much faster than having to write it down.
R) A pain. Major pain. Because you actually have to listen to your voice notes from the beginning and they aren't put in any sensible order. Totally random and dependent upon what time you had the idea.  Unless of course you make a new voice note for every idea, which is still annoying to listen to.
5. Notes on note taking app.
A) Same as voice notes. Readily available.  Nothing extra to carry as you always have your phone on you.
F) Higher friction level than voice notes because you have to type the note in, which takes more time.  It is also more friction wrought than writing with a pen and paper because you have to pull out your phone, go to the app, wait until it opens up, pull up a new note, and than start typing.  I would say this is closer to ice skating on a marble floor.  Not very good.
6. Evernote - this is the best.
A) Whatever you have available in front of you. Use it. And than keep on you or take a picture of it and upload it to Evernote.
F) All depending on what you are recording on.  You can write your note on any paper and than take a picture of it.  So the friction level can be really low.  Depending on what you use.
R) Here you have the advantage of organizing as you please.  The time in which you input your note is entered automatically.  

Choose your ground.  

I would love to hear what works for you.

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However, sometimes it's good to break out routine. At the very least, just a wee bit. It opens up new vistas for how you look at your routine.

The other day we stayed by my in-laws house in Johannesburg. We have been there often. However, just the slight change in routine. Sleeping in a different house was a breath of fresh air. Gave a certain break from the regular mundane routine.

Routine is great. However, sometimes it's important to give it a break.

You'll come back with a refreshed view.

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Have more discussions and less arguments.

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However, the flip side to that idea is also an interesting one. And a fitting way to start off the new year. 

"Most Are Born Into The World They Live In. Will you be?"

The massive changes which have happened in the past twenty years have been brought about by a small number of people. At the very most, by certain groups of people.  

Take technology for example. A few people had the vision to imagine, "a computer in every house", "access to a central database of shared knowledge for everyone, for free", "the sharing revolution." etc. Most of us benefit from the vision of the few. We are born into their world. Into a vision which they brought into reality. 

There are few people who have a vision and shlep the world around them along. They are the leaders who seek to carve out a better world for the rest of the world. Pushing. Hustling. Inspiring. And lifting everyone up to see life as they do. 

They are the ones creating the world everyone else is born into. 

This year, will you be born into someone else's world? Or will you be a maker, a creator, a visionary and inspire everyone else to follow along?

The reality is, most are born into the world they live in. However, we want something different from you this year. 

This year, be a creator. For the rest of us.

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My response:

Chanukah is really primarily for adults. The kids don't need it much.

Chanukah is the holiday in which the darkness melts away in the face of light. The candles' shine dispels the darkness.

Our child within is the part within that is like a flame. It dances. It sings. It knows no darkness. Our adult side, however, is the side which has experienced abuse, rejection, and the dark side of life.

Chanukah is about bringing out that child like side of us and allowing it to illuminate our adult selves. To allow our abuse and rejection to give way to the realization that life is indeed beautiful, that life is indeed something we can dance to.

Chanukah urges us to embrace our inner child, to embrace our sacred duty of being a flame which can light up the world.

So, Ma'am, Chanukah is really for the you. The adult. Your child doesn't really need it. The child is the candle. Your child is a living Chanukah, you are the one who needs it most.

She replied, "Hmmm, quite true. I would like the hurt to go away."

Embrace your inner candle. Your inner flame. Then you will dance.

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There is something about being Jewish and whilst the rest of the world unfolds into their celebration I am able to proudly celebrate mine. I never wanted a tree. I always reveled in being able to celebrate the season with the depth and pride of something uniquely mine. Uniquely Jewish.

There is something uniquely 'Chanukah' about that.

It's well known that the Maccabbees battled the Greeks victoriously in a battle of the few against the many. The weak against the mighty.

What is less known is that the physical battle was merely a reflection, a shadow, of the primary battle. The primary battle was an idealogical one. The Jews and the Greeks were deeply engaged in an idea war.

The Greek's big idea was a share and everyone get-along culture. The Greeks appreciated the value in Jewish thought and teachings. They appreciated it's depth and meaning. They therefore adopted Jewish thinking into their culture. And they expected a quid pro quo. A tit for tat of sorts. They wanted the Jews to adopt Greek culture. They encouraged it. And indeed experienced a great success doing so.

The Jew's big idea was, "Beauty is not found in everyone diluting who they are. Beauty is found in everyone being who they are and getting along." Let Greeks be the best Greeks they can be. And let Jews be the best Jews they can be. When we each bring out who we really are, when we are really true to ourselves, that is when we shine brightest. However, when we adopt a bit from here and a bit from there and we water down who we are, then our radiance is reduced to a mere glimmer.

It's not about having everyone be like everyone. Making one big homogenous mush. That's gray. We prefer the colors of the rainbow.

That is one of the reasons why we light 8 separate lights, one for each day, on Chanukah. Each branch signifies a different nation, a different person, a different culture. They each have their own personal light. Unique. Which only they can bring out.

The Menorah shines brightest when each individual light is allowed to shine through. Undiluted. Unadulterated. The real deal.

Let us celebrate who we are. For then, together, we will shine up the world.

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However, the problem with hope is that it doesn't uplift the present. It declares that my current state "sucks", however, things can get better and I believe they will. Currently, I am in the dark. Currently, my head is deep in the mud. True, the future may bode well. However, the present is - well let's just put it this way - less than stellar.

More powerful than hope is the ability to uplift the present. To be able to see how the present and the current state of affairs isn't so bad. Not only is it not so bad, in fact it's even good. Scratch good, it's great. The ability to peel away the layers of darkness that hide away the light - that is powerful. To be able to look at your present situation, no matter how grim, and see the goodness that lay beneath.

Recently, I was having a discussion with some elderly people who have had a difficult and challenging life. They never had money. They have health problems. They lost their spouses early. It dawned on me that hope wouldn't help these people. Elderly people are passed that stage - the stage of hope inspiring them. They simply don't have much to look forward to. For them, life is pretty much headed south. More sickness. Less money. Reverting back to infantile days of being unable to control their bowel movements. Getting old is really not for sissies. So the oh so powerful 'hope' wouldn't help them. There is no future as far as they are concerned.

Herein lies the power of being able to see the present and current state of affairs with good eyes, with favorable and positive eyes. The ability to see and look into your life and see the silver linings amongst the dark and ominous clouds.

Peer into your present state. Find the diamonds hidden amongst the mud. Don't just rely on hope for the future, for when you get older, it won't help.

Practice the skill of finding the good in the moment.

Good luck. It ain't easy.

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Now, these people don't just call once. They call three or four times. If I don't pick up the phone they just keep on calling and calling and calling. How rude I think to myself. After a while, I have learned to just shut the phone off after 9:30. Now there is very little way of getting a hold of me after 9:30.

Just remember there are many forms of communication in todays' world. Email. Voice mail. Choose yours wisely. If you abuse the medium it just gets turned off.

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So I responded with a story.

Moishe was a wealthy man. A miserly man. His daughter, Shoshana, was engaged to be married in three months time. This put Moishe in a quandary. He was obliged to make a wedding. A wedding as befits a wealthy man. A wedding which would honor his name, his daughter, and his family. However, he abhorred spending money. What to do?

After much deliberation, Moishe came up with a plan. Moishe summoned his closest advisor, Yaakov, and proceeded to tell Yaakov the following plan. They would plan a wedding fit for a king. There would be food for the entire town. Everyone would be fed, down to the last pauper. The town would all await this wedding with great excitement. Upon conclusion of the Chupah, the advisor would run in and 'inform' Moishe that all of the food for the wedding had been consumed in a fire. In reality, the food would remain in refrigeration and Moishe wouldn't have 'wasted' the money. Great plan.

Yaakov put the plans into movement. The day of the wedding had arrived. The town was abuzz. Everyone was excited for this wedding. The streets were empty. All were preparing for this wedding. At the breaking of the glass, in runs in Moishes advisor. He rushes up to Moishe and alerts him with great urgency and earnestness that all of the food had been completely consumed by a fire.

Moishe, the wealthy man, wasn't too disconcerted - at first. This was the arrangement. This was the plan. However, upon seeing the face of his advisor he had second thoughts. Maybe it really did burn down. He wasn't sure. Was this part of the game or was it legit. Moishe asked, "For real?!" As in, is this part of the plan or is did everything really burn down? His advisor responded, "Yes, everything did really burn down. Honestly. Truthfully." Moishe was still unsure. Was he playing or was he telling the truth. They went back and forth a few times until Moishe finally got the point. This was 100% true. All of the food had burnt down to ash.

With this story, I concluded my question to them. Is it really true that your products are good or is this part of the game?

At the conclusion of the meal we committed to putting Tefillin on together on Sunday. On Sunday, we discussed Torah, put Tefillin on, and gave Tzedaka. I still don't know if their products are truly good. However, the Mitzvos one does are eternal. They are true. They stand by a person forever. Facials, face creams, and makeup don't.

Ones' external beauty will wane with age. However, ones' internal beauty only grows with age. The good deeds you do stay with you forever. You carry them wherever you go. There is no such thing as a bad hair day when it comes to good deeds. It doesn't matter if you are young or old. Smart or dumb. Pretty or ugly. Good deeds are eternal and they live on eternally.

Rather spend your time doing things which are emes, v'yatziv, v'nachon. True, standing, and eternal.

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